Transparency and why I am so happy all the time.....

So, I told myself this year, I was going to attempt to me more transparent with my feelings, etc with people. I am a pretty reserved guy for the most part, I think this might help. Plus, it has a bit of awesomeness in it.

So, here you go for a new post:

My sophomore year of college, I think I hit rock bottom. Depression runs pretty deep in my family, and I am not immune. It was a real rough year for me.

I can thank a single person for person for allowing me to come out of that year alive. No kidding. He knows who he is and I really appreciate his friendship at that point in my life.

So, I did a bunch of writing, etc, and out of it came this awesome poem. I have been wanting to share it with everyone, but I felt pretty ashamed about the topic. But here it is:


--------------------------
Shell

You may think it is rage or hate
but it is passion that drives the gun
a passion burning so deep it ignites
and sends its messenger on the run

A gun is just another tool
simple yet ingenious in design
A barrel, hammer, pin and trigger
with a bullet do the motives align

In my hand I hold an empty shell
never loaded or is it already spent
I cannot tell by the case
I don’t know the extent of its torment

I sit here staring at it
its shiny metal skin
I don’t know if I should laugh or cry
if I should run away or grin

I stand here waiting
trying to figure out its meaning
either way my life is spent
my soul is always weaning

Is my soul dead
or am I in a rude awake
is it an inevitable fate
or something that I can try to shake

The shell is like my life
either never begun or already gone
both are useless to me now
the message hit dead on.

And now I have two empty shells
resting in my open palm
my mind becomes opened and clear
and I am lost in the present calm

--------------------------

So, after that horrible year, capped off by a pretty significant moment in my life, I decided that I was sick of living like that. So I decided that I was going to be happy. And I have found that attitude can get a person pretty far in life. So, that is why I am always smiling and saying hi to people. Because such a simple thing can change a person's life. (plus it doesn't hurt finding a few good friends who rock your world).

And I am not here to say that attitude can get you through anything, and that it has made my life perfect. My life still sucks at times, but I find it easier to get through. No more pity parties for me.

So, thanks friend. I really do love you much and have much to thank you for. The last 5 years have been awesome.

So, how is that for transparency?

And disclaimer: if you are thinking about hurting yourself, etc, please please talk to someone about it. People will listen.

Blog vs Twitter

Or this should be titled "Why I enjoy Twitter more than my actual blog."

Twitter is just so simple. 140 Characters. It really makes you condense all your thoughts and actions. Never having to formulate long articles on what I did. Micro-blogging can be done in almost an instant, and that is what I make Twitter to be for me. My Micro-blog. When I write in my blog I feel almost required to write down all my thought processes (which if you know me, you don't know half the stuff that goes through my brain.)

Updating my twitter several times a day is almost more convenient than logging into blogger and doing the exact same thing.

Also, it allows me to get reduced to what I do best: make up short, clever, and witty remarks and statements.

Short. Sweet. Simple. I love it. You should check it out. Then follow me. @iamdorg

Change

When people think of change, they think of something immediate. That is what change is right? Going from one thing to another? The biggest changes should be those that you notice instantly, right? Sure, that can be change, but I think there is much more to it.

I think the biggest changes are those that you can't really see until you step back and look at the much larger picture. Instead of looking from minute to minute, day to day, we need to look month to month, year to year. It is amazing how the little changes in my life are magnified when looking through this lens. And it is all those little changes that have brought me to where I am today.

Change should be a constant aspect of one's life. We should always be trying to shape and mold our existence into something that is better than our current selves, and it is not easy. If it was, then wouldn't everyone have already done it? It is a feeling of conviction that should be the driving force.

Right now, my heart is heavy with the many things that I need to do to make myself that better person. I need to be more conscious of my actions, more aware of my presence, more mindful of those around me. I need to do so much more. But I know that change is coming my way because these things are on my heart. And I am not going to change overnight.

Like I said, a few years from now, I will be there. Just got to let the change happen in me.

Something I like about politics

So this pretty much makes my day.

High Speed Railway corridors across America.

I can hardly wait.....



And my family was afraid Obama was going to destroy America.....

Full Article

Weekend Fun

So for Easter Weekend, I made my way up to my sister's place. And just cause I never do this, I am putting up some pictures just for her:

Getting ready to use the Zip Line


Right before the jump


Playing dead (well, actually I was a bit exhausted


Just wrestling with Grace


Going really fast with Adie


Lydia just being adorable


So I had fun time. Made some really good food, impressed a bunch of people, and just generally showed off my skills. So a typical weekend.

Not Helpful

So, since about friday of last week, I am been kind of a hinderance to my roommate.

And it is not anything intentional at all. First it all started when I tried to move her computer a bit and dropped her external hard drive on the table. And guess what? It doesn't work anymore at all. So, we had to send it out to get the information off the disk. And apparently there is 164 Gigs on it, so it is quite a bit of info that I may have lost for her. I felt so bad.

Then on sunday night, our internet stopped working. Well, not the whole thing but our Router was being dumb. We could get internet when we hooked directly up to the modem, so we tried to call in support. Which does not exist because we were off warranty by 4 months. So I came home from yesterday to find a desktop spread out all over the living room with a new wireless router. And Heather was just starting to install the system into her computer. Well, it was not a real simple procedure as it takes about 25 minutes to do. And when we were at about minute number 23, I bumped the power cord and cause power to stop flowing. So, start over number one. And next time when we were at minute 20, I did again.

It was actually kind of funny because it was completely unintentional. We joked about how I have been a major hinderance to her when all I have been trying to do is help her. So, I sat in our chair laughing. Then she asked how long I thought it was going to take her to finish the install. I guessed 17 minutes from that point, so she put me in a "time out" and I was not allowed to leave the chair. So, I was not able to "help".

Man, I feel like such a little child right now......but I am kind of enjoying it......

Michigan and Beyond

So, a finish to my trip over to Ann Arbor.

Toronto was a blast. Downtown was a cool experience, but I really enjoyed the whole public transit that we used. I think it would be cool to live in a city where you are required to use the subway. It is just very convenient; something I wish could be in MSP, but probably never will......

The CN Tower was also really cool. We kind of touristy, but it still was fun. Tyler had too much fun watching planes land in the near by airport...... Definitely recommend going to see it if you have the chance.

Once Toronto was done, we made our way to Niagara Falls. For some strange reason, someone once told me that the American side is cooler than the Canadian side. So, we went to Goat Island in New York (the island between a few of the falls. And it was cool, but most things were closed due to the season. There still was a bunch of snow around so we were unable to make it down underneath the falls....bummer

Then we went over to the Canadian side. And wow.....very breath taking. With all the snow that was piled up and carved by the mist, it was very beautiful.

Then we made our way back to Detroit. And got stopped by border patrol. For some strange reason, they did not understand that we only need to stay in Canada for 28 hours.......apparently we are drug smugglers or something. So they searched our car and we very close to being detained. It was exciting.

And back to Ann Arbor. Nice tour of the campus thanks to Tyler. We also hit up the museum on campus and saw a really cool exhibit on architecture. And I got to meet a few more of this friends.

Also, I don't think I have played that much Scrabble in my life....

All in all, I really did not want to come back to work. Was very tempted to call in sick......